What I Want In a Husband

When I was about 13- or 14-years-old, I made a list of the things I wanted in my future husband. I found the list tonight, while I was desperately searching for something else. Although I never found what I was looking for, I feel a little better knowing that I came across that list of what my 13-year-old self wanted in a husband. Here it is:

1. Have my standards/church member
2. Intelligent
3. Kind
4. Funny
5. Listens to/respects the music I listen to
6. Good listener
7. Attractive
8. Sensitive/understanding
9. Would be a good dad
10. Shares my interests of things
11. Respects my family/friends
12. Can cook!
13. Wants to be with me

I suppose that was a good list back then, but what I find extremely striking -- besides the exclamation point in #12 -- is how general it was. I mean, who doesn't want someone who is understanding, kind, funny, and attractive? But it's an immature wish list. I didn't know that it's the little details that make a person incredible -- that makes him complement me in a way that probably only a handful of people could. Sure, I want all of those general things now, but here are the specific things that make up my 28-year-old husband-to-be list. I want him to

1. Be curious. I want someone who loves to learn, who asks questions, who wonders. "Why" is the most used question word in my vocabulary, and I want it to be his, too.
2. Be a conversationalist. Conversations with the person I marry should be consistently good and progressively better. Sure, sometimes we'd goof off, but if there's not much to talk about after a while, then I think it's a sure sign that something is wrong. "Good" conversation is talking about everything under the sun. It's inevitable that my husband and I will age, so I'd like to at least have something to talk about when we're old and gray and sitting in wheelchairs. Also, he should be able to talk with anyone -- strangers, even.
3. Be friendly. I want a man who says hi to strangers, who meets new people at church or work. He should be able to carry on a decent conversation with them for at least a few minutes.
4. Read. He doesn't have to read the same books as me, but he should at least read a lengthy article or two per week and a few books per year.
5. Have a little bit of bite! Of course I want someone who is righteous and obedient to Heavenly Father, but I don't think those two characteristics exclude a little bit of sass! A little bit of opinion! A little bit of appropriate irreverence! I want to get into harmless (and maybe flirtatious) debates sometimes!
6. Constantly try to improve. On something. I don't know if it's inherent or societal for men to be averse to self-reflection and personal improvement, but I do think they generally are those two things. Guys are almost always confident, and that's fine. That's great! But I'd like my guy to recognize that he has faults that he actually needs to work on. None of this "Well, nobody's perfect. There's always room for improvement." That's a good start perhaps, but what is he actively working on to improve his character, talents, or understanding?
   
7. Eat sugar.
   Because I like to bake desserts and other foods rich in carbohydrates.
   
8. Be musical. He should sing or play some musical instrument. I know that's hypocritical, since I don't play an instrument anymore, but I am slowly learning to play the piano. And I sing in choirs sometimes. I enjoy listening to people play music they've written, and I want my children to be musical, too.
9. Appreciate art. He should have a favorite style of art or at least know the name of a few paintings and artists he likes. He should appreciate the difference art makes in a home.
10. Play sports.
    I'm totally uncoordinated, and my parents didn't teach me how to play team sports when I was young. As a result, I know that it's crucial for kids to be involved in sports. I certainly can't teach them, so my husband needs to.
11. Be clean! I think my indicator for "clean enough" is in the way he cleans dirty dishes. Does he quickly wipe a plate, for example, and leave tiny bits of food on it? Or does he make sure he gets it nice and soapy and spotless and know that the dishwasher is only a sterilizer? Does he clean the outside of a bowl as well as the inside? All I want is to know my family is eating off clean dishes.
12. Respect Mother Nature. No littering! Period.
13. Consider adoption. Even if I can have kids of my own, I might want to adopt. I feel very strongly about it. (See Milk and Adoption.)
14. Believe in unstructured play time for children. What? See 21st-Century Education and Parental Expectations. (Okay, okay. Maybe he hasn't thought about that yet, but he should at least put some thought into parenting and have some ideas of how he wants it to play out.)
15. Be a goof-off. At least sometimes. I take myself waaay to seriously (See #11.), and I need someone to remind me to be silly.
16. Realize winter clothes are more expensive than summer clothes. Because I like sweaters!
17. Be okay with my impersonations. I like to quote movies. I like to speak in accents. My future husband needs to be okay with the fact that I will break into character with no warning.
18. Have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This should be near the top, but it's not an exactly prioritized list. You may ask, "How do you measure something like a testimony?" Here's how (for me, at least):
    
    • He attends the temple.
    • He participates in service projects.
    • He bears his testimony, in church or to friends.

Okay. I think that's it.
I don't think my expectations are too high, do you?
And now that I'm re-reading it, it still isn't very specific. I don't know if that's good or bad . . .


Thing I'm thankful for: my sister's future husband.

When I Grow Up . . .

I want to be like the Munns of Australia.

I don't know what they did to be able to retire in such style, but not only are they financially set, they're helping hundreds of others build successful lives as well.

They bought a plot of land in Cambodia so that 21 families could build houses on it. They partner with Habitat for Humanity and a nonprofit microfinance organization to build homes and hope.

Read about them: From the seeds they planted, a village grows.

This is the kind of story I get to read on a regular basis at my job. It makes me want to be a better person -- the kind of person that can help people less fortunate than me. And I live a charmed life; I really do.


Thing I'm thankful for: the beauty that is Habitat for Humanity. It really is an outstanding organization.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is my favorite holiday.

Most people give me a quizzical look when I say that. They wonder how this could possibly be. I think an ex-boyfriend thought me slightly sacrilegious because of it.

For the record, though, I'd like to say that I'm not a hellion. I don't worship the devil, nor do I ignore the apparently more acceptable holidays of Christmas and Thanksgiving. Let me tell you why. I'll begin with a list:

• Candy!
• Plastic, orange pumpkin baskets. They're small, but so cheerful!
• Carving pumpkins! My favorite part is scooping out the insides!
• Lightly salted and baked pumpkin seeds!
• Being creative with costumes!
• Seeing the creative side of other people!
• Late-night parties!

Besides all this, Halloween ushers in the rest of the holiday season! It's the first in a long line of holidays, so when you get to Halloween, you know that there are a lot of other great holidays soon coming!

But let's get a little more serious . . . Here's are some psychoanalytical reasons behind my love of Halloween:

Halloween was always a happy time in my family's house. My mom sews, so she almost always helped my brothers and sisters and me make our costumes. Just imagine being nearly anything you want! A seamstress for a mother is a child's Halloween dream. My dad was happy, too, that his wife could make the costumes -- with six children in the house, spending money on costumes in the store was much worse than spending money on material to sew. Not only were my parents saving money on the costumes, though, they were not spending money in large quantities, period. With Thanksgiving, you spend a lot of money on food, and with Christmas, you spend an exorbitant amount on clothes and toys and gadgets.

While I know my parents love each other, I also cannot remember a Thanksgiving or Christmas when they did not get into a loud financial argument. According to my dad, mom spent too much. According to my mom, dad didn't spend enough.

The middle ground? Halloween. Although my mom probably buys too much candy, she still never spends very much on it. How could one do that, anyway? There's only so much candy you can get . . . I think my dad is pleased with that.

My dad also enjoys the Fall; he likes walking outside on crisp, cool October evenings. So he enjoyed taking my sister and me out to trick-or-treat. He was probably just as excited to walk around the neighborhood as we were, so it made the whole night that much more fun.

So there you have it.
Halloween is my favorite holiday.


Thing I'm thankful for: chocolate!

Paul Offit is My Hero

Well, it's been almost a month since I blogged about Fall and two things that, for me, go with it: sweaters and the flu vaccine. (Read 'Tis the Season.) Despite what I thought was a harmless virtual "wink" to all the anti-vaccination folks out there, I unwittingly opened up some uncomfortable dialogue among family, friends, and myself.

It wasn't terrible, really, but I've found myself getting increasingly irritated over recent news of the swine flu vaccine, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy's talking points on Larry King Live, and conversations with friends who disagree with my pro-vaccination beliefs. The thing that gets me the most is that a lot of people who don't want to vaccinate themselves or their children somehow think that because I do, I must not have done my research, like they have.

My roommate is an epidemiologist at the CDC, and she specializes in pandemic flu. We've had many a discussion on vaccines and the history of the anti-vaccination movement, and she's reminded me of a lot of biological facts I learned in college biology classes but somehow forgot over the years. Listening to her explain what she studies day in and day out is so fun for me -- but more than that, it makes me want to tell everyone what I know and believe about science.

So although I had initially decided against posting something about vaccines on my blog, I decided this afternoon that I would do it, anyway. It's my blog, afterall.

I won't tell you that you need to support vaccines, too. I won't tell you that I think you're an idiot if you don't support vaccines. (Because I don't think you are.) And I won't go on and on about why I think the way I do.

Instead I'll let Paul Offit do that. He's the co-inventor of a rotavirus vaccine, and he is featured in this month's Wired magazine. I wholeheartedly agree with his sentiments on all things vaccines. Also, Amy Wallace, the author of the article, is superb. Really, I can't stress how much I enjoyed reading this article.

The article is lengthy but, for me, riveting.
Read An Epidemic of Fear: How Panicked Parents Skipping Shots Endangers Us All.


Thing I'm thankful for: party Fridays and Halloween Saturdays!

LEXIA!

Happy birthday, Irish twin!*
We are not the same age anymore, but in 363 days, we will be!

I hope you have a wonderful day!


*Apparently, Irish twin is considered somewhat derogatory. I don't think it is, and I don't mind if you call me one.


Thing I'm thankful for: weather in the 50's! Yay!

I'm Meeting Jimmy Carter Tomorrow!

Because I work with Habitat for Humanity International, I get to help out with a big-time book-signing tomorrow. David Rubel, author of the book "If I Had a Hammer: Building Homes and Hope with Habitat for Humanity," will be at the Carter Center tomorrow, along with former President Jimmy Carter, to sign the book.

Jimmy Carter wrote the foreword for the book, and I must say, it was touching. I only read part of it this afternoon, but as I read it, I thought, "Sara, you ungrateful citizen. You need to offer service MUCH more than you do."

And it's true. I am so selfish most of the time. But every once in a while -- and especially lately -- I feel like Heavenly Father hits me in the spiritual head, reminding me that there are so many ways to help people who are less fortunate than me. Take for instance, this article from Habitat World: 25 Things You Should Know About Poverty. (Go on, read it!) It was one of those hits.

So I'm meeting Jimmy Carter tomorrow, and that'll be neat. But mostly, I think it will be good to be in the presence of someone whose whole life is basically about service. It's a critical reminder to be better about doing my part to make this world a happy place, which is really the heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Also, it's a reminder that people like me have the option and ability to change the world, if they only try.

So here is my public announcement that I will be better. I will serve others. And I will track my progress periodically on my blog. Hold me to it, readers, if I slip!


Thing I'm thankful for: a place to call home. Really, it's such a blessing -- one of the best.

Emotion Explosion!

It's late, and I should be in bed. But I can't sleep. I had planned on writing a fun, carefree post tonight about ice cream, actually, but instead I remembered I had to finish some things up for work. That opened the floodgates for a range of emotions. I feel frustrated, angry, and sad. And for whatever reason, all I can think about writing is my take on love and my idea of what romance should be.

Let me back up.

I'm single, and the thing I want the very most in this world is to be a wife and a mother. I want to pack lunches in the morning, bake cookies for afternoon snacks, talk to my kids like they have worthwhile things to say, and chase those same kids around the house while laughing. I want to tell my husband I love him everyday, and I want to make sure my kids know that I do. I want to keep a clean house for my husband, make him feel needed, and do odd jobs or work from home to make the additional income it takes to go on small vacations or make Christmas extra-special. I cook. I bake. I'm mostly obsessively clean. I read. I think. I take out the trash. I ask interesting questions. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. I take care of my physical appearance. I'm not flashy or trendy or extremely fashionable, but I'm not "high-maintenance," and what a man sees is what he gets. I go to church and pray and help people when I can. I try to meet new people and make them feel comfortable and welcome, if they're new. I knit. I can sew a button onto something, and I can draw. I like to walk, hike, and be outside. I like to go to live sporting events and concerts, large or small. I like to listen to people talk about themselves and play musical instruments to their heart's content.

In short, I am a veritable picture-perfect wife- and mother-to-be. Scratch that, I am a model human being. Sure, I have problems and imperfections and faults, like any other person. All in all, though, I'm pretty good.

But I'm tired of people telling me I'm great. Friends, family, and acquaintances all say the same thing after they get to know me for a short while: "You're great, Sara." Guy friends say, "You're great. I just love you."

It reminds me of a joke Jerry Seinfeld used to tell about being the best man in a wedding party. "If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?" For me, that statement rings all too true. Now, I don't think that the natural consequence of greatness is getting married, nor do I think that a single life is meaningless. But like I said, I do want to get married and have children.

Here's the thing, though: I don't expect a one, true love. I don't want a man to say I've "bewitched [him], body and soul," as Mr. Darcy tells Elizabeth Bennett in the new Pride & Prejudice. (I think that is the stupidest line in the history of movies.) All I want is for someone to get to know me enough to say, "You're great, Sara. You're great, and I love you. And I want to be around you forever. There are other great people in this world, and I could choose one of them and life would be wonderful. But I want to be around you! I never want to not know where you are and what you're doing."

That's far more romantic than, "You've bewitched me" (i.e., You've tricked me into loving you). It's saying, "Not only do I think you're great; I think you're great, and I always want you to be in my life." Love is a choice, not a compulsion, and I want someone to choose me. Is that too much to ask?

I don't want other people to tell me I'm great, either. I know I am; it doesn't help anything. Tell possible suitors you think I'm great. Tell me what I need to work on to be better . . .


Thing I'm thankful for: yeast and dough that rises.

'Tis the Season . . .

. . . to wear sweaters!

It was chilly this morning, so I wore a sweater! My first sweater of the season! Yay! October is lookin' good. But then, when has it not? October is my favorite month and not just because it's my birthday month!

Also, I had the chance to honor the Fall season with a free flu shot at work! I love getting flu shots; it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for my body or that I'm really doing my part to stop the spread of the flu pandemic this year. Sadly, I don't think it can be stopped; there are too many people who don't believe in vaccines now -- you know who you are! :)


Thing I'm thankful for: crisp Gala apples to eat in the warm afternoon sun.